So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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