Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
