I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Boobs are out for the taking
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
