Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
