Soap is not a condiment
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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