Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize