As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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