it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
