I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
