i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
my liver is dry heaving
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
