i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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