mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
