Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
