I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
