She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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