My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All the doctor said was why
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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