One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
