My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
