My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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