he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
