found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
