Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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