omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
