Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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