So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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