Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the liver wants what the liver wants
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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