His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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