What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
