MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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