i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
