i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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