That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
