Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wanna go halves on a baby?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
