you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
