If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
