I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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