sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
