I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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