The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
