so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
