i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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