Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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