hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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