it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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