You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
