Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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