i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
