I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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