What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
