I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
