i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
