Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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