can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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