I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
