I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
