I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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