Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
