we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
