oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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