Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
