Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You ruined the universe
tell me about the eggs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
