Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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