I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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