the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
