Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
