Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
