i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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