It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
