Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
