I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
