My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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