Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
