So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
