He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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