We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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