i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
