Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
