It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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