Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
