made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
