WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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