We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
