Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
