plz talk dirty to me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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